Cook-Walden Funeral Home Director Kevin Hull demonstrates the Mem.com message board; mobile and can be on display at a ceremony or wake.
The social media trend has reached even into the sympathy business. You see the people who mean the most at births, weddings and funerals, right? Now, Georgetown has one of five nation-wide pilot programs for the Memorial.com message board and it is featured at Cook-Walden Funeral Home. “People take pictures all the time anyway,” says Community Service Manager Elizabeth Quintero,”so now we can provide them a way to share live messages and photos at what is typically a reunion type of event.”
Like everything in the digital and social media age, commemorating a person’s life is growing ever full of creative and customized trends to move us away from the stereotype of the stern undertaker and a black-clad churchy burial and toward a celebration of life.
Making a funeral or a memorial into a special, more personal event makes sense, and funeral directors know a great deal about planning special events. You have nine months to plan for a baby, most people plan a wedding for about a year, and a funeral—well, you have about four days. “We don’t want to just place an order for the items and services you think you’re supposed to have,” says Quintero. “There is no formula any more, we help you plan for an event in which you will be comfortable, surrounded by people you love.” To do this, staff spend time with a family to get to know their loved one and be surrounded by their things. Quintero will go through photos, talk about hobbies and create something special that guests will appreciate. “We want to encourage the perspective that enjoying yourself is not disrespectful or undignified. Commemorating each person’s relationship is a healthy way to mourn.”
Community Outreach Director Elizabeth Quintero and Director Kevin Hull
So it’s no longer about which casket and what flowers on the sympathy tripod. Clients can still have those things, but if you prefer, you can have a barbecue or a garden party. Or have a casket with Longhorns painted on it. Was mom a cook? Instead of prayer cards with her name on it, guests receive a new spatula with mom’s name and years on it. Was dad a fisherman, how about a lure with his name on it? Did he play golf three times a week? That one is easy.
At the Georgetown office, they have had bands, margarita machines, a cupcake bar, tractors; and requests for full participation in cowboy boots or Hawaiian shirts. Quintero says, “We want people to ask for the moon. I’ll often hear someone say something off-hand, like ‘He loved AC/DC. I wish we could play Hells Bells.’ So we did.” Just recently they had a service for a gentleman from New Orleans and had a jazz band funeral procession walk him to Oddfellows Cemetery. “You have to have a police escort, so there’s no reason not to do it in style,” she says.
Kevin Hull, Executive Director of Cook-Walden, says, “It’s about engagement and participation. We did a service for a rancher in Liberty Hill who was known as ‘Reloader’ because he reloaded shotgun shells for everyone in the community. We brought all of his equipment here and made the place look like his workshop and everyone got a shotgun shell to take home as a memento.”
There are several new-wave trends in burials, like being folded up in a “green” sack and buried under a tree or have your urn placed in the ocean to build a reef. Quintero says, “You can do anything if you plan well in advance and follow the laws regarding scattering or in-ground burial.”
Most local funeral homes don’t do everything themselves, but they will help you facilitate whatever you can think of. There are companies that will place your ashes in a functional firework or a special urn that will open and scatter them in the atmosphere.
For that relative who always says “Don’t do anything for me…” you can do that too. A catered dinner at a funeral home (even months later), or a party room at a favorite restaurant—funeral directors function like concierges to help make that happen. They may also arrange low-cost travel related to closing an estate or other related events long after the service. They are celebrants who can speak to a person’s spirituality or religion or both or neither. Hull says, “We can read from the Bible, or a favorite poem, or a song lyric. We can do the service in a park just as easily as here in our building.”
Hull and Quintero agree, people are so busy in their regular lives any more, and trying to do so much in a short time is difficult. The most important thing is for people to think about it ahead of time and either write it down or tell someone so family will spend about 30 minutes planning, rather than several hours. “It’s easy to put this on the back burner but it’s really a gift you give your family. Planning something special in a matter of days in a time when they are emotional can be difficult and they may wonder if they should have done something different. So we will do everything and they can focus on each other.”
Quintero says “We receive an emotional paycheck every day; becoming part of the family. We keep in touch, we try to make an impact and make sure people are taken care of in a vulnerable time.”
The bottom line is Celebrate. Have Imperial Stormtroopers as pallbearers. Serve Big Macs. Give the guests cowbell mementos. Simply consider the truthfulness in the idea of thinking outside the box.
Top: Mem.com message board is mobile and can be on display at a ceremony or wake. • Above, Right: A ceremony memento for a gentleman barbecuer who loved the spicy life.
